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Up To Snuff

by Ivan St John

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1.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven You hate to wish her well As she's walking out the door. Bags are packed they're on the floor She don't want you any more. You cast your mind back to how it was before Man, you were happy then; Had her for two years and ten (and now that she's departing) It's a shame it had to end (you'll have to start all over again). You remember how she used to rub your neck And run her hands right through your hair. Man, she was everywhere, Indeed you made quite a pair. But she built walls up around her, yes she did And she turned herself to stone. Said she'd prefer it on her own, But that means leaving you alone. So you look on And there you stand You've held your head In your hands For the longest time. You're cold and wet as memories flood your mind You're overwhelmed and you just sink. Man, she was everything. The happiness she used to bring. You recall how she used to comfort you Ironic now that when you need it, There's no way you can receive it, She's not here to relieve it. Chorus. I hate to be the one that has to break this news to you But you'll get over it one day. And here's what all the people say; (and though you love her madly) You're better off without her anyway (you're gonna be so sad). You have to face that there's been many bridges burned, Far to many to rebuild. And you hope she feels the guilt Of deconstructing what took so long to build. Chorus.
2.
That Mamma 02:57
You make me sick, make me sick, Yeah you're so... So asleep, so asleep And it shows. You got tangled in her And all that you can do is get upset about it. You changed the clothes that you wear, Let me tell you, you should just forget about it. She will get inside your head And your mind, your mind may fail, So don't let her in. It's only you, only you Can let go So waken up, waken up Don't be so... You don't come out no more, I asked you and you told me not to talk about it. Can't you see whats in store? Do you really want your friends to just forget about you? She will get inside your head And your mind, your mind may fail, So don't let her in. That Mamma's got a hold on you And she's gonna break your back. All summer you been workin' hard, She won't cut you any slack. Told you, told you, told you you're gonna lose your mind, Unless you get away. That mammas got you under her thumb she won't Let you out to play.
3.
Met her in a bar one evening Caught her eye as she was leaving, My state was I couldn't stand She wrote her number on my hand. Then by a twist of fate She called me up the following day And all that I could do was mumble. How the hell'd she get my number? I dunno which route to take Barely know the girl for heaven's sake. All's I know is that in any case She works in mysterious ways. Now take this for instance An example of her weirdness; We went out to get some food She disappeared half way through. Saw her out later on She grew shifty her face grew long. But when the end did come She asked me would I walk her home. We walked about the town, I was anticipating her turning me down. All's I know is that in any case She works in mysterious ways. She asked me back to hers for a drink And all I could do was tremble. Yes she made me tremble. Oh yes, she made me tremble. Back to hers, got more drunk, Smoked a fag, smoked some skunk. We made out and had a laugh Then she said "Honey I'm not that kind of girl, you better sleep in the bath" Oh, she turned me upside down So's my smile became a frown. All's I know is that in any case She works in mysterious ways.
4.
Jack The Lad 03:22
Well, you think she'd be your saviour With her laudable behaviour Tried to tame the beast She's warned away from. But you got a reputation For female manipulation Some girls do Whatever you want. But this one Says You can do anything But what you desire. So when you felt you lost all hope Well, you went in for a grope And she slapped you in the face and quickly Changed her tune. And she said; "Home Jack, I wanna go home Jack, Wanna go home, Jack, Take me back home." Well, you think you got good taste, Think you're the finest of our race, Got news for you Jacky-boy, And this is a fact. You got a false self perception Down to parental neglection; Showed no interest in you Unless you were the best. So you built up this delusion That you were the mind and body fusion Of all the best people This world has ever known. Well I hate to burst your bubble But you've run into some trouble Now the only fool you're fooling Is the one that's fooling you. So go home Jack, Why don't you go home Jack? Time to run home Jack, Why don't you go home?
5.
Your first impression's that she's over the hill She'll tell you that she's still attractively built, uhuh. See how the flowers all Stand to attention as she's sweeping the yard. Routinely reverent to the passage of time But there are times when she has drunken too much wine (And she will cry her heart out) Oh Missus Jones You like to tell us how you used to be a real looker once, Missus Jones Heaven knows we've heard all this before, Missus jones. Providence has kept you from achieving your potential worth, Missus Jones, Heaven knows now we've all heard it. Her husband's money always went to good use Spent it on remedies designed to hold onto youth. See how the towels all used to Unfold themselves as she was taking a bath Looks in the mirror as she's dying her hair The skin she used to love now lies in disrepair (Oh life's just so unfair!) Chorus. Pretty soon our youth will fade and our skin will start to sag Our minds will disipate, we'll all be coots and hags And we will envy those who are still so young and fair As we sit powerless to halt our greying hair. One thing I learned from Missus Jones is life's only certainty That we will all grow old, grow old disgracefully.
6.
Honey, now won't you bring me home and put me to bed? We've been to this party a thousand times. Filling the teacups up with cheap and nasty wine, Closing the curtains to avoid the sun's shine. We think we're hedonistic baby, but we're not, High-living lowlifes is what we are. We could have gone home, man, You know the clubs closed at three, Instead my leg's twitching, now I'll never get to sleep. Oh, here's to one more... And though we ought to know, yeah. Our weeks all end this way, yeah. And though we've said before, yeah. Like restless children this is how we play. Come on, let's stay for an hour more Cos getting home's gonna be such a slog... When I was eight years old I wished that I was ten. When I was ten I wished that I was twelve. My Mamma she told me, "Boy enjoy it now while you are young." That line never sold me, being older had to be more fun... Well, I was never one to take good advice... And though we ought to know, yeah. Our weeks all end this way, yeah. And though we've said before, yeah. Like restless children this is how we play.
7.
Edwina 04:41
Kids of only seventeen and we could hardly tell apart The bourgeois and the bohemians that milled about the boulevards. The laughter tumbling out of every window and hanging round the cobbles to dance, We saw a poster on the door of a bar which read "Le Quintet du Hotclub de France" We'd stay friends for so many years Her and I, Who's that gypsy playing sweet guitar? Man beside him playing violin. We were drinking whisky by the jar, Still remember and it makes me cry. We left the building with the sun coming up, back to the hotel for a quarter to five. Stood in the lobby in our tip-tilted hats as the morning staff began to arrive. The porter looked at us through his waxy eyes and politely asked us where we had been. We nodded rummily, and tried to explain, but had no idea where we should begin. Some things must be heard to be believed. Her and I, Who's that gypsy playing sweet guitar? Man beside him playing violin. We were drinking whisky by the jar, Still remember and it makes me cry. Take me back, take me back to where we were before. Man, that boy he made the whole place swing, Man beside him playing violin, Crowd was dancing right out the door, We were dancing 'til our feet were raw. Still remember and it makes me cry.
8.
Home 02:10
We could go to London, yeah you know it's not that far And we could watch the changing of the guard. I really think we should, it would do less harm than good. Better than going there on my own. We could go to Amsterdam, you know it's not that far And we could sit in a cafe for a couple of hours. Now we could make it right beneath the cover of red light, Better than going there on my own. The lengths that I have gone to, yeah I've travelled so far But still I find there's distance in your eyes. No matter where I go, yeah your heart is my abode Please don't leave me without a home.
9.
Smooth 04:24
She's not your friend. She'll break you 'til the end And take your cold, cold comforts and slowly turn them to ice. Break your spirit down, pretend she's sugar and spice. She says "Shut up your mouth. Take that smile off your face. Now honey this ain't the time, This ain't the time or the place" Her golden rule is to guide your action And the secret behind her success is her talent for abstraction. She's so smooth you better be careful 'cos you can't tell She'll bring your body to heaven but she'll send your mind to hell. She's so smooth get up from where you fell All her tricks get easier she knows you all too well. She's so smooth but I don't like her way There's something strange about her and it's in the things she says Cos she's so smooth, yeah. She's not your friend. She's drain you 'til the end And she'll revert to a trick that she learned years ago, Same response when you let your feelings show; She says "Shut up your mouth. Take that smile off your face. Now honey this ain't the time, Well this ain't the time or the place" Her one sole aim is to make you look a fool, So take heed of my advice and remember her golden rule cos She's so smooth you better be careful 'cos you can't tell She'll bring your body to heaven but she'll send your mind to hell. She's so smooth get up from where you fell All her tricks get easier she knows you all too well. She's so smooth but I don't like her way There's something strange about her and it's in the things she says Cos she's so smooth, yeah.
10.
You asked me a question there, Much to my torment. And I've put off answering, Only now will I relent. You want to know about All the loves of mine? One time significances Now time out of mind. Well there's been other women There's been quite a few. But all of these other women Were a rehearsal for you And in my way I think That I've loved them all. But in the end I know That I love you more I know you love me baby I know it's true, oh There's no other baby Has loved me quite like you, oh. We've got each other baby, that's for sure. We've got each other baby, who could want more?

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released November 12, 2010

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Ivan St John Dublin, Ireland

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